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T hese are trying times for Odessa. After the annexation of Crimea, pro-Russian forces are stirring tension in this Black Sea port, and there are weekly standoffs between demonstrators who want to be part of Ukraine and those who want closer ties to Russia. But for all the political and economic chaos that has engulfed Ukraine in the past three months, one industry is still thriving: the internet romance trade. The economies of several Ukrainian cities are boosted by the surreal and disingenuous online bride business, and Odessa is the biggest hub.
It does not take long for a visitor to the city to stumble upon an “international date” — there are legions of western men in town meeting with young women they have met online, usually with the conversation facilitated by a translator. At internet cafes and homes across the city, thousands of women spend hours each day chatting to prospective suitors online.
There is nothing like the prospect of economic hardship to facilitate intercontinental liaisons, and so, far from business drying up in recent months, the romance and “bride” trade is booming. If anything, there are now more western men planning trips to Odessa than there were last year, when I accompanied a “romance tour” to Ukraine for a magazine story.
I spent a week in Odessa with 29 men, all of them hoping to find a wife during their trip. They were mainly Americans, but there were also Brits, an Italian and a Saudi on the tour. It has thousands of women in Ukraine and across the world on its books, available for chats and in-person meetings with lonely bachelors across the world looking for a wife.
As internet dating has gone mainstream over the past decade, Anastasia is attempting to rebrand what was once called the “mail-order bride” industry as something modern and progressive. This is no longer the preserve of seedy and exploitative men seeking vulnerable women from impoverished backgrounds to work as a longterm sex slave, the marketing suggests. This is “international dating“, a civilised way to find romance without borders.
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On a recent evening, I was having drinks with a male friend — a single and actively-looking-for-a-long-term-relationship friend — when he asked me why there seemed to be so many married women on Tinder. Did they just want to flirt? My husband and I met at a party on a quiet street in a college town. More women were beginning to see opening their marriages as a legitimate and in many ways appealing option.
I wondered if Tinder, which brought the world of dating within finger-tap distance, was accelerating the shift? It seemed common knowledge that apps like Tinder had transformed single life and dating. Were they transforming marriage as well? I was curious. We shared a house, political viewpoints, the responsibility of raising two small kids. For our birthdays, we bought each other things like electric blankets and warm wool socks and a Vitamix blender for making soup.
Okay, he said. Why not? And so we did. The first step in the process was to set up our profiles, which we decided to do together.
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Nowadays it seems that the whole world is open to us. We are provided with endless opportunities, can order anything in a second, and make money still lying in bed. We meet a lot of people everywhere, going to the shop, hanging out with friends at the bar, or while visiting the gym, but even being surrounded by people, we remain single and feel lonely. It simplifies the whole process of finding a partner and saves your time.
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